


I'll wait.

by noxxx



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pepper is a bitch here, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 21:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxxx/pseuds/noxxx
Summary: "... for you, cause honestly I don't want anyone else"





	I'll wait.

My situation couldn't be more miserable.

Sat on the toilet cover, embracing my knees and with my face on one of them. It must be horrible to be a second option, in my case not even a option

Do I always have to fail at love?

Probably fate was making fun of me, I even dare to call it a sadist. How easy would it be if you only fall in love once in your life, that person loves you back and done! We would avoid more than one problem. But no, life wanted to make things her way. Her unfair and cruel way.

My eyes were still burning, once you start crying it seems like you'll never stop. I tried to sing somethinng, to think about a funny video, whatever to distract myself until it wasn't so obvious. I washed my face but it had no case, maybe if I invented that I had an allergy I could escape this time.

\- Peter, come for a second. I'm tidying up your room and I want to know what clothes don't fit you anymore – May shouted.

I took a deep breath again, and pretended to be emotionally stable, then went to where I was called from. My aunt kept folding and separating shirts still without looking at me, so I acted like I was looking for something on the shelf because I felt like shattering right there.

\- Look, the blue one is kinda old now. I tried to wash it but well – she went as if nothing – I wanna know if it fits you, let me see – and she approached it to me, but I was still standing with my back to her.

\- Peter, take it – she insisted. I couldn't turn around, a single tear was already rolling pass my left cheek.

May put her hand on my shoulder and made me look at her, her expression of slight confusion changed to one of compassion.

Please, don't look at me like that. It breaks my soul if you see me sad, because it seems like you understand everything, because you're looking at me in my worst moment. I'm sorry for being like this May, i'm sorry for suffering for this. And you always fought to give me everything I ever needed, you can't imagine how much i appreciate that.

Even when she hugged me and patted my head like when I was a child I couldn't help another choked sob. That tenderness, that patience was like a crash between cold and warm. I could lift a truck but now I felt defeated. I wish I could turn off my brain, at least for a few days

She parted a little, with her sleeve she wiped my face and looked at me in the eyes offering me that unconditional, maternal love.

\- Better now?

I nodded, my head hurt and my nose was stuffy but at least the pressure in my throat was gone. But it was still a bit sore.

\- Is this because Liz left? – and she smiled sadly.

Honestly no, dear auntie. When Liz had to move I did feel sad, but that wasn't the reason. So let's say that I was not in the mood for explanations, and I decided to use the image of that girl as a disguise for the real person who was trampling my heart like a cigarette. To make catharsis of what I was feeling.

\- Yes – I answered with a hoarse voice.

\- Honey – she combed my hair and put a lock behind my ear – That girl was so sweet, based on how you used to talk about her.

\- She was... unique - I commented with nostalgia.

He was unique.

\- But she's not the only girl in the world – and she smiled at me – Look, the neighbour told me that her niece is coming over in a couple of weeks, she has like your age and looks like the models in magazines – and she kept chattering about matching me with this girl i've never seen, and from now on i say i'll not want to go out with.

\- But you don't understand - and she looked at me with those eyes that said "I'm older, of course I understand" - She was the first person I truly liked.

He was the firt person I truly liked

\- Peter, you still have a lot to live. You'll like a thousand more girls.

\- But with her it was something special – I insisted a little too desperate so she would take my feelings seriously.

But with him it was something special.

\- I said the same with my elementary school boyfriend, who knows where is he now? - she played it down again. I sighed frustrated.

\- And now she... she's with someone else – and I looked at the window because this was the part of the story i hated the most. I gulped – And things are serious between them.

And now he... he's with somebody else, and things are serious between them.

-

At the beginning I didn't see him that way. It was just respect and admiration, never imagined ending up like this.

It all began the day I realized.

The day I felt like the arrow had pierced my heart.

I went to see him, he was drinking coffee and offered me a little. I told him I was more into tea but he insisted on me to try a bit and when he saw I didn't like it he brought me water. He mocked me in a friendly way, I laughed, he laughed too. The light that filtered through the window fell into his eyes, that are already bright, and while gazing him so carefree, so comfortable with my company... I felt that my heart would burst.

Then she came... and his eyes didn't stop looking at her direction everytime she entered a room.

The picture of them holding hands was taken out of my worst nightmares. But everytime I find them at the office, when nobody (except me) sees them and they talk, then the story changes.

It was all more than clear one day, when i was waiting for him to give me back my suit that was being updated for some improvements in the system. I heard them.

\- You're always like this Tony, you truly are a mess – she told him while she continued to organize some papers in her folder, but she was so angry that she did not even look at him.

\- I know that you're busy, I'm sorry – And I could notice in his voice that he really did - That's why I wanted to make up to you

And he gave her a bag that was hidden behind his back, she opened it hurriedly and tok out a dress that was more expensive than all the houses in my block together. She put it back in the bag with annoyance.

\- I hate that shade of pink, you can't even remember that - and left him alone while passing next to Peter, who even with the backpack on one shoulder looked a little uncomfortable at his feet.

\- Come Peter, I'm sorry you had seen that scene – he invited me to get inside with his arms crossed and he seemed really tired. As if he was trying to do things right with Pepper, but she always has a problem.

\- In my opinion it's a pretty nice dress - I said to make him feel better, and he smiled at me with sorrow.

\- I thought she would like it – and he shrugged – I'll better give it as a gift to your aunt, maybe she'll enjoy it more.

And although I told Mr Stark that it was not necessary, he still made me take it home. May was more than happy. And I was still outraged by the scene I witnessed.

How can you be so mean to say something like that? He bought you a present especially for you, at least act like you like it. You don't even realize the man you have by your side.

She always end up shouting at him for anything, even makes a scene for having only arrived 5 minutes late to a meeting. Maybe because he just didn't sign a piece of paper out of the hundreds she leaves him. But even though she tells him that he is an idiot and that she couldn't stand it anymore, he stayed by her side.

He din't deserve that. Mr Stark should be with someone who loves him, who looks at him like he wonder he is.

If only I, a simple boy from Queens, had a minimal chance to show him what i could do. If only he accepted me that way...

I would never do something like that! I would treat him well, I would make him coffee the way I know he likes it, I would embrace him until he falls asleep because I know that he finds it hard to do it so. All my attention would be for him.

I would smile at him all the time, I would listen to him all the time, I would take care of him all the time.

I would make him feel like the King of the world...

But he's with her, and I still can't understand why and how he stands her.

You're with her, and I want to be with you. I think I'll always want to be with you.

I really tried, I swear. I wanted to be mature, not get carried away by all that tidal wave of jealousy and mixed feelings, but I could't help it.

I hated Pepper. I wanted something bad to happen to her.

Especially since that time.

Mr Stark had a panick attack while we were talking, obviously I got scared but I could put him on the couch and ran to the bathroom for his medicine, the one in the blue box in the second drawer. I also put a pillow under his head and sat by his side, he gave me his hand and I just took it between mine.

\- It will be fine, just breathe – and then he looked at me.

I can't explain the way he looked at me. But I could only promise that I would stay until he was better.

At least I could do this for him.

Pepper showed up later, she seemed more annoyed than worried.

\- Did he have to have one today? – she exclaimed as she approached with a frown. She pressed the bridge of her nose with her fingers - It seems like he does it on purpose. Today we had a meeting.

I couldn't stand it anymore, I was really mad by the things she said.

\- He's sick! - I screamed without controlling my voice, I had never spoken to her like that but I couldn't contain myself any longer. And apparently she didn't like it at all, because she opened her cold blue eyes and looked at me reproachfully.

\- He's not going to die from this, Peter – and she walked away. I kept my fists clenched on each side.

He won't, but I hope you do.

\- Isn't it a bit late? I mean, kids must go to bed at this hour. So tomorrow they can go to school with energy – and she gave me a smile that pretended to be nice, but only looked like a deformed mocking grimace. She wasn't even blinking.

\- But... Mr Stark hasn't wake up yet– I insisted this time, more calm but still firm.

\- Don't worry about it, i'll take care of him - and pointed to herself with an air of greatness.

Yeah, sure.

\- So, sweetheart, go with Happy and he will take you home safe and sound – and she put a hand on my shoulder acting as if she was my friend. I moved slightly so to take her hand off me and she smiled, to go who knows where.

I could see my poor mentor lying on the couch, he looked very tired and i just wanted to stay there with him. I muttered a quick apology and promised to go see him the next day.

Now... this was the last straw. Her fiancé (it was disgusting to use that word) was so weak and she reacted as if nothing. AS IF IT WAS NOTHING.

And yet, they were going to get married.

Both rings in their fingers reminded me each time I stumbled upon them. I never hated gold as much as i did back then.

How could I get over him it if he it appears every time I required it? Which was quite often.

After a mission in which I was left badly hurt, they kept me in a room that served as a nursing of S.H.I.E.L.D. He came out of nowhere, desperately opening the curtains widely and sat by my side. He looked very upset, I wanted to tell him that I was fine but he insisted.

\- Look at you – and he put a hand under my chin to see my face better, the monitor began to sound louder because my pulse was racing up of having him so close to me.

\- What...? - He turned around raising an eyebrow when noticing the increase in frequencies and asked a nurse - Is that normal?

\- Not unless you have a heart problem. Is that so?

\- N-no – I reassured them by making a gesture with my hand – It's just that I'm still nervous about what happened, that's all.

\- Oh, it must be the stress – and the nurse went away to look for new bandages, so she left us alone again and I tried to calm down.

\- What did I tell you about leaving like this without asking me first– and he began to tell me off, I just nodded until I felt that he hugged me very tightly

Although it hurt a bit because of the bruises on my body, I hugged Mr Stark back for a moment while I enjoyed having him only for me, at least these seconds.

And take him away from the vile claws of that woman who didn't value him.

It was all too much for me, so I put all this feelings that suffocated my chest in a handwritten letter. Four entire sheets of a notebook, I surely had broken my hand but at least I was satisfied.

While I was been taken to the Stark tower I rested my head on the window. Happy tried to fill the silence a little (he must have noticed that I was silent as a grave and very pale).

\- Did Tony tell you? He won't be here by the end of November, but he told me if you miss him you can send me messages – and he stopped a moment when the traffic light was red - But you're going to have a limit of one per day.

\- Where is he going? – I asked monotonously while staring outside.

\- Italy, they are going to be away 2 weeks and something. They had been planning this trip since a long time ago but now they can do it, Pepper was very busy and the poor woman had to put up with Tony insisting so much. But hey, you know how he is.

Yeah, i know how he is.

I closed my eyes for a moment, I really couldn't believe how he was defending that woman after the attitudes she has been showing lately. But when she acts like a "nice" person then everyone instantly loves her, of course. And they were going on a trip to Italy. Anything else?

Unfortunately, yes, there was something else.

I was about to enter the workshop, the envelope with the letter hidden in my jacket. I played with my fingers and I was very nervous, so much that I was shaking. When I realized they were talking inside I stayed in my place.

\- I love the view of this house, Tony - she commented and I could take a glimpse, they were looking for something in the computer.

What? For once he treats him well.

\- I'm not sure. The neighborhood doesn't convince me - he answered and put his arm around her shoulder.

I felt the air getting heavier.

\- But it has many schools nearby, and a park for them to play.

\- They could study at home. His very father could teach them a lot, and so would their mother - and embraced her closer. She kept looking and typing something.

\- I hope they get eyes like mine. Dark hair and blue eyes! Such a girl would be adorable.

No...

\- It remains to be seen about moving to somewhere new, you are getting ahead - and laughed a little - But let's say it would be by the end of the year.

\- Remember what I told you, I want two - and he took her by the waist to kiss her, she hugged him by the neck.

...

No... Please, no.

I was just in shock there for a minute, my head was spinning a thousand times and I walked slowly down the hall until I ran into Happy. He asked if I was okay when he noticed my grim expression and I could only nod slowly.

No Happy, I wasn't okay. I was the furthest you can be of okay.

-

May had already taken the clothes I told her, although she kept insisting with the neighbour's niece, I think she understood that right now I wasn't ready for that.

I took the letter I had hidden in my drawer again. I reread it a couple of times.

"I'm not going to tell you that I love you, because I hear how you say that to her and I want to love you in a different way. My way.

I don't "love" you.

But I do "love" they way you express yourself, your confidence, your intelligence, your intense gaze, your beard that only looks good on you, your cologne that I can smell even before you appear, how you always looked after me, and finally what I love the most about you... is the way you made me feel, I hate it from time to time, that's true. But in the long run, it made me feel alive and for a second I could touch the sky with my hands.

Thank you for giving me that indirectly,

Mr. Stark

Anthony

What's the difference? Thanks for all that,

Tony.

There are so many things I would have wanted to do with you.

We'll never be together.

You will never take my hand on a date.

You'll never kiss me.

You'll never be my first time.

You will never come home to ask my hand to May, fight and end up convincing her.

You will never fall in love with me, I always knew it, but now I admit it.

I'm still trying to convince myself that you're not the perfect person for me. But yes, you are.

And obviously I want your happiness first of all, but not with Virginia.

Forgive me, please forgive me. But I can't accept seeing you with her.

Because she doesn't deserve you, at all.

You should be someone who loves you the way I love you. Who sees you as I see you. And that person has to be out there, I just hope she or he shows up before the wedding.

And yes, it's horrible to wish this kind of thing. But I don't want to keep lying to myself. "

If only I could go away from home, from the city and from my life for a while. To think things better.

This was too much for me. Having to accept that the person I want is with someone else. And that someone doesn't take care of him as it deserves. And having to watch them making plans for a future together.

-

I was playing with the letter between my hands, then raised it until it was in front of my eyes and stared at it.

I would wait my whole life for you.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace?"

**Author's Note:**

> I translated this story myself, so it probably has A LOT of mistakes. And beforehand I apologize for that.
> 
> Well I was angsty and this came out.
> 
> I started writing a second part to this but it's in spanish :(   
> Someday I'll translate it.


End file.
